


Drive

by say_im_good



Category: VIXX
Genre: Car AU, M/M, Roadtrips, hakyeon is like sixteen/seventeen, neo - Freeform, taek is slightly a klepto
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-11-04 18:14:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10996278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/say_im_good/pseuds/say_im_good
Summary: Taekwoon opens the volunteer work board that Jaehwan signed him up for and finds a single request that stands out from the rest of the dogsitting, window washing tasks."Take me away from here."





	1. 1

He really hadn’t intended to do it. It was more of a habit, really, from older days. The police didn’t pay much mind to his promise that the thousand dollar ring in his pocket was something just laying out on the counter that his fumbling fingers picked up. After court and a mess of guilty charges though, Taekwoon was back in a place that was too familiar for his liking.   
   
“So you’re telling me…” When Jaehwan started like that, Taekwoon couldn’t expect a good response. “...you’re telling me that you ‘accidentally’ stole a diamond ring? And that it was just chilling on the counter and you just happened to pick it up without noticing, put it in your pocket without noticing, and caught the sensors on your way out?” 

“Yes…?” His reply was too cautious and Jaehwan was sighing, Taekwoon practically feeling the eyes rolling on the other line. “I’ll be there when I finish this episode, my show isn’t going to wait for your clumsy klepto ass anytime soon.” He was about to argue but the line was already dead and his call was already up. Sighing, Taekwoon sat back on the bench that the police cuffed him to. He wasn’t in jail yet, but the longer Jaehwan took more eyes stared suspiciously in his direction. Why was his life like this? He wasn’t sure if they’d wait for Jaehwan’s show to end. But his friend did have a point; it wasn’t really HIS problem that Taekwoon was a complete idiot. Even Taekwoon knew that.   
   
But when Jaehwan DID show up, he sighed a breath of relief. Jaehwan may be an asshole sometimes and was generally way too hyper and overwhelming for Taekwoon’s sensitive senses, but Jaehwan put his blabber mouth to good use, and after fifteen minutes of hearing his best friend screaming at the poor young officer watching the cameras, Taekwoon was being released and told to ‘not do anything like that again’ with a sigh from an exhausted man in overalls.   
   
“You’re welcome. I’m out two thousand dollars thanks to you.” The car ride back was awkward. This wasn’t the first time Jaehwan had bailed him out, but it was the first time that Taekwoon genuinely hadn’t intended to commit the crime he was put in for. Unfortunately for him, it was hard to believe a person who frequented criminal activity, even if they were just minor things that he was really, really bad at not getting caught at. “Thank you,” Taekwoon murmured back, knowing he wouldn’t hear the end of this for days. Jaehwan was a good friend, but his spirit animal was a soccer mom. Taekwoon wouldn’t get alone time for at least another few weeks, and that was exhausting to consider. Plus now he owed a whopping two hundred hours, the judge pitching that with his small sentence. This was a huge, tiring mess.   
   
“Don’t worry about the hours, you don’t have to socialize while doing them,” Jaehwan said casually, seeming to read his mind. “I have this website my friend sent me that has a craaapppp ton of volunteer work too, so you’ll be fine! I’m sure you can find a nice job scrubbing the dirt off puppies and enjoy every bit of it!” The glare Taekwoon shot him was a powerful one, and Jaehwan didn’t speak for the rest of the drive.   
   
When they got home they separated as if the whole ordeal hadn’t happened, and Taekwoon almost thought he could just pretend those hours didn’t exist until Jaehwan was banging on his door at eight in the morning, screaming that it was time to find something to do today. After beating his roommate for ever considering waking him up this early, Taekwoon found himself groaning and scrolling through listing after listing.  
   
They were all dumb menial tasks that didn’t sound like something he’ d be able to handle for two hundred hours without dying. Babysitting, dog sitting, window washing. It’d all be fine if it were maybe twenty hours tops. But two hundred? No way. “Jaehwan, this is stupid,” Taekwoon mumbled, his roommate standing beside his chair cross armed just to make sure he didn’t get up and storm off without picking some service to do. “And you’re stupid if you think I’m going to let you get into even more trouble because you’re too lazy to do the hours that you’ve been given. Get to it. I’m going to work. When I come back you’d have better decided on something.” And like that, he was scrolling halfheartedly for the next twenty minutes.  
   
This was exhausting and pointless, even though it did have a point and that was not going back to jail. But it was unbelievable how hard it was to sign himself up for something he seriously didn’t want to do. Two hundred hours… That was over a week! And that wasn’t including breaks to sleep or eat or breaks to go to his actual job. This was awful.... Maybe it was worth the jail time that he seemed to be destined to have. And then he found something interesting.   
   
'Take me away from here.  
Posted by: N'

What. Taekwoon squinted at the screen. He was new to this website, maybe there was a link to press to get more of a descriptive request? But no... that was it. Surely this person was using a screen name, which was sketchy in itself, but their request was far too vague. Take them where? How far was it? 

Taekwoon intended to keep scrolling, he seriously did, and there was no way that he'd admit that the reason he was pressing 'accept' was because he was genuinely interested. What would Jaehwan say if Taekwoon told him, 'Hey, I'm going out to drive a complete stranger to some unknown location I'll be back in who knows how many hours.' Surely he would flip. But Taekwoon hadn't felt such a stir of excitement since high school, since Sanghyuk, so here he was, scribbling down the reply that came almost immediately to his email inbox, just as vague as the request had been.

'Meet me at midnight tonight at the park behind that raunchy cafe on Elm Street. Make sure you have a full tank of gas and a few days free. I'll pay for gas so don’t worry about that. Park across from the fountain so I know it's you.'

It was all so secretive, and Taekwoon hoped like crazy that this wasn’t one of those catfish scams and he wouldn’t find himself tied up in the back of his own trunk. It was five pm right now, and he figured that was enough time to go to the store and get some no-cook food and a map, maybe a few other things. It would help to know where this sudden excursion would take them, but he didn’t really care if he knew or not. It'd all work out either way. Taekwoon believed in fate.

The store was packed at this hour, and he found himself flinching at every shoulder that brushed against his, every voice he thought might be directed at him. His basket was full of junk food that wouldn't expire in years, let alone days, the piles of packaged sweets separated by necessities. Toilet paper, a few books, a map. The requester, N, has said it'd take a few days, so Taekwoon went ahead and guessed on a week to play it safe. It'd suck to run out of food in the middle of nowhere.

By the time he got home it was seven and the sun was beginning to sink, casting an orange filter over the city as if bleeding out its color on the world. Taekwoon hurried to his room, not wanting Jaehwan to see the massive pile of snacks and think that something was wrong. Like this N person, he wanted a break, too. He figured it'd be good to leave with just a note to Jaehwan behind him, to turn off his phone and vanish for a few days. Maybe this would be good for him. Maybe it wouldn't change anything at all.

By nine his bag was packed, clothes, extra sets in case something happened to those clothes, a knife in case this person he was bringing into his car and taking on a road trip was a serial killer, all the basics. Taekwoon really didn’t know why he was so inspired to do this when the easiest method of gathering hours would just be babysitting or walking dogs. He’d be safe and sound that way. Maybe that was why he chose this instead. Safe and sound was getting tiring, and he really could use some change.   
   
Hand-written ‘sorry I’m ditching you for who knows how long’ note placed on Jaehwan’s closed laptop, backpack slung halfheartedly over a broad shoulder, and he was walking out the door. The sky was black with little star speckles that were almost completely drowned out by the light of the streetlamps surrounding the building. It was currently eleven forty-five. The park was a five minutes drive, so if he left now he’d be ten minutes early. Was it weird that the nervousness that he expected to come hadn’t set in yet? 

He drove in silence, not bothering to play his music for such a short ride. He’d let the stranger play their own music. He was considerate like that. The parking lot was unsurprisingly empty, as anyone hanging around a park at midnight was generally put under suspicion, and realizing this finally brought the anxiety that Taekwoon expected a while ago. What if this person he was about to let into his car wasn’t good? What if he killed him? Were they even a ‘he?’ So many unanswered questions, so many reasons to just turn around and go home, apologize to the stranger for making a promise he couldn’t keep, then go on with his life.   
   
He didn’t get the chance. The car door was swinging open and Taekwoon glanced up like a deer in headlights at the young man who paused to examine the inside of the car. He was… unexpectedly young. Younger than Taekwoon for sure, probably a high schooler unless he just looked a lot different than his actual age. His hair was brunette, pretty normal if Taekwoon didn’t count the bright green streaks running through his bangs. He was tall and tan-skinned, which wasn’t natural where they lived. Maybe he was foreign? Taekwoon pulled away his stare as the apparent student finally seemed to determine that the car was free of any dangers and climbed into the passenger seat, hooking up his seat belt and dropping his backpack in the back seat. “You’re not going to kill me or anything, right?” He asked so casually that it almost seemed like a joke, but when Taekwoon didn’t respond the boy glanced up suspiciously. 

“I’m not,” Taekwoon said quickly, not wanting to give the younger male any reason to think he was a murderer and dive out of the car. He didn’t know why he cared, but he was curious. What was that request about? Surely he’d find out soon enough. They sat in silence for a bit before the person blinked at him, tilting his head. “Do you not have any ideas on where to go?” Taekwoon shrugged meagerly. “I thought you’d tell me.” 

At that the student laughed, but it had a bitter ring to it, a pretty laugh with a saddened undertone that Taekwoon was completely empathetic to. He understood that chuckle. He’d let it out numerous times over the course of his life. “Well… I don’t care, really. A city, a small town, another country, I don’t care. Isn’t there anywhere you’ve thought of visiting?” Taekwoon thought back to that pamphlet that Wonshik gave him earlier that day, telling him he just had to go the beach at some point. “Beach?” The younger male laughed again, but this one was a little more genuine. “Your call, not mine. But let’s go before someone calls. The park’s technically closed.” 

And the car was moving, Taekwoon finding himself awkwardly glancing over at the person in his passenger seat who was staring dully out the window. He had so many questions. Was this person really a high schooler? What was his name? What was his story? What was his reason to ask a complete stranger to take him to a random location and what was he planning on doing once he got there? Taekwoon wondered if this was a dare from one of the boy’s friends, either that or some situation romanticized in a book the brunette had read and been inspired by. But these answers were too simple, and there was too much depth behind those focus-deprived eyes.


	2. 2

He got on the highway. It was pretty much empty this late, spare a few cars meagerly inching along in comparison to the actual speed limit. Drunk drivers, saddened lovers. Night was the time designated for the poor, the miserable, the stressed. Only people who were content had the time or ability to get a full eight hours every night. That was what Taekwoon believed. The silence was getting uncomfortable, so he asked rather softly if the stranger would like to put on some music, stating that he had an aux cable so that the raw sound wouldn’t draw in a headache. The boy shook his head softly, saying that he listened to whatever. He should’ve expected this to be uncomfortable, but he was really starting to feel it now. It was too late to turn back.

Taekwoon really didn’t know where the beach was, but he figured that if the person beside him didn’t care where they were going, he wouldn’t either. “I’m just going to go for a while until we find something interesting to stop at. The beach may be a few hours away so we’d need to stop for a rest.Is it okay?” With a soft nod from the person who was too lost in thought to vocally reply, this was the option he decided on.

Except… where should they go before the ocean? He’d been on the highway for ten minutes and was getting jittery from the silence. Luckily it didn’t last much longer as the stranger shifted in his seat, sighing softly. “Thanks for wasting your gas,” the younger male muttered gently. “Sure,” Taekwoon responded, then realized that this might be his one chance to start up a conversation. “So… Why did you ask for this anyway? Road trip?” The boy was quiet for a moment, his eyes growing distant again. “Sure… You could say that,” he replied gently. The silence poured in for twenty minutes after, but for some reason, Taekwoon felt a surge of relief to his anxiety springing up. It didnt make much sense, but it was how it was.

The more he thought about it though, the better going to the beach sounded, so he began to head in what he hoped was the correct direction. The sign said ‘Entering Wonju.’ He wondered if he was going the right way. Taekwoon had to keep reminding himself that this stranger didn’t really care where they went, so it really didn’t matter which direction he took. “So what’s your name?” He asked, glancing over at the boy in his peripheral vision. The student who had his head leaning against the window sat up, blinking over as he responded, “Hakyeon.” Taekwoon tilted his head. “No surname?” 

“Not one that I’d like to give. I’m starting over, I don’t need things like a surname anymore.” Weird. He wanted to question this, say that Hakyeon would surely need a surname if he was to find a job someday, but he didnt want to irritate the younger. Instead he went for a different approach, constantly finding himself holding his tongue in fear that something he said would be pushing things too far.

“So… You’re a high schooler?” He nearly groaned as Hakyeon nodded. Great. What he was doing could be considered kidnapping. “Your parents won’t report you missing, right?” Coincidentally, the first words he didn’t worry over were the ones that decayed Hakyeon’s expression into a downcast, distant stare, eyes reflecting off the black mirror of the window, streetlights blinding out his image for only a second as they swooped past. “They won’t,” his muttered, voice feather soft but weighed down like the world was on his shoulders somehow. “Don’t worry.”

So they drove, Taekwoon thinking about this high schooler in his passenger seat and Hakyeon thinking about who knew what, staring out the window with dulled eyes. Taekwoon yawned, checking the clock after what felt like endless miles of highway. He’d been driving for forty minutes, but with no conversation or music it felt like forever. Deciding that the kid could just tell him to turn the music off if he didn’t want it, Taekwoon fumbled with the radio until a station he was fond of came on with a song he had fallen in love with recently. He leaned back in his seat, relaxing as the voices of the soft duo group lulled away, the song gentle but not so slow as to put him to sleep. This was better.

He decided he’d pull over at five am so that they could rest, pretty sure that Hakyeon wouldn’t have a license in high school so figuring he’d be doing all the driving. It was currently only around one, so they had a while to go. The beach he had now firmly decided to visit would be in that area so maybe they could find a place close to the ocean to park. The soft music was cozy and the voices were beautiful… voices…

Taekwoon blinked and glanced over slowly as to not disturb the boy beside him, who, sure enough, was moving his lips in sync with the song. “Eoreumdeuri nogajimyeon, jogeum deo ttatteutan noraega....” His voice was beautiful, so beautiful in fact that it paired with the artists’ voices perfectly. Hakyeon’s eyes were distant as he very softly sang, not even seeming to realize he was doing it. His voice sounded sad, lonely, fit the tune of the song so perfectly that it hit Taekwoon’s heart just like the first time he heard it. He waited until the song was over so that his words wouldn’t disrupt before muttering gently, “You have a talent.” Unfortunately, as expected, Hakyeon jumped, eyes wide and cheeks flushing a bit as he glanced up at Taekwoon, lips slightly parted in a gape of surprise and embarrassment before he gazed down at his hands in his lap. The high schooler never replied, but Taekwoon didn’t feel like pressing him any further, instead focusing on the road and the unfamiliar next song as the street lamps flew past, illuminating and fading at the shadows on Hakyeon’s melancholy face.


	3. 3

He ended up pulling over around four instead, an hour earlier than anticipated but he was so tired that the road was blurring and he didn’t want to end up passing out and killing them. Hakyeon was already asleep; He hadn’t noticed because the boy was so quiet, but now that the road noise was out of the picture he could hear the soft rise and fall of his breath, could see the slight fog it made on the window.

They were in a grocery store parking lot, brightly lit in most places but Taekwoon had managed to park in the dark corner as to not disturb the sleeping boy. He himself couldn’t sleep well with bright lights, so it wasn’t all selfless. However even in the dark he couldn’t bring himself to sleep, too many thoughts crowding his mind, rioting to be released. Who was Hakyeon? Why did he ask to be taken anywhere away from home? Where was his family, his friends? Did he have any to begin with? Taekwoon found himself analyzing Hakyeon as he slept. His green streaked hair in the old days would clarify that he was some sort of rebel, maybe a pretend-gangster, but nowadays kids would dye their hair through a whole spectrum of colors just for style, so that didn’t determine anything. It wasn’t like hair dye was expensive. To be honest his entire get-up looked rather dingy and rugged, a red flannel that seemed soft with long-time wear, a pair of dark skinny jeans that were just torn enough to reveal the white threading in between the navy. He had a beanie, a black one that was probably all for fashion purposes, but it had slipped off in his sleep and was now draped over his elbow. An old, cheap-looking silver ring was on his left middle finger. Taekwoon almost thought it was a wedding ring at first glance.

He was beautiful, but that was beside the point, not something that would help Taekwoon distinguish at all who he was and why he had asked for this, why he had gone to the lengths of getting into a random car with a complete stranger who could’ve killed him, could’ve raped him, anything. He didn’t seem stupid, obviously he had thought of all of this saying that he had literally asked Taekwoon if he was going to kill him upon getting into the car, and yet he didn’t even hesitate to throw in his backpack and sit in the passenger seat. What was he running from that was worth risking his life? What was he running from that he was willing to be taken anywhere in the world and left on a curb? What was he planning to do when he got wherever he’d be driven to?

Because Taekwoon knew with full certainty, despite not ever being told, that Hakyeon wasn’t just a tourist or a stray teenager running away to see the world. There was a dark ambiance behind his eyes, a misery that was just barely visible in the warmth of his scent, a distance behind his gaze that made Taekwoon honestly question if he was just high and probably would’ve made him assume that was the reason if there was a smell or other visible signs. But there weren’t. He didn’t have the sunken eyes like a druggie, didn’t reek of marijuana. And yet he looked so downright broken. He wanted to ask what had happened… but the realization that he was just a stranger, that strangers weren’t supposed to ask such personal things in any situation popped back up time and time again… So he didn’t question it. Not yet. Maybe they’d get close later, maybe he’d understand later… but not yet.

Despite the curiosity keeping him awake, the exhaustion finally lulled him to sleep, and Taekwoon didn’t wake until noon the next morning when normally he’d be up at the crack of dawn. He jumped when he glanced over to find the passenger seat empty, panicking a little that Hakyeon had either walked out or been kidnapped (then wondering why he cared so much about a stranger… maybe it was just an adult’s instinct to care for a kid). That panic settled a little when he saw Hakyeon’s bag still in the backseat and the note scribbled on a horribly-torn and slightly water-damaged sheet of notebook paper that said in rather unique but nice enough handwriting that he was going inside the store to get them some food and would be back shortly. Taekwoon sighed, reaching for his phone to check it like he would every other morning upon waking. When he pressed the home button in and the screen didn’t light up, he remembered that the device was off, and why it was like that, slipping it back into his pocket. It was strange, not having connection to the outside world, and Taekwoon wondered how much Jaehwan was freaking out that he hadn’t come home yet despite his note. 

He then calculated how many hours he had been with Hakyeon, saying that he owed two hundred if this would even count. They’d met up at midnight, so exactly twelve hours. He realized only then that he should probably get more sleep while he could before they started driving again, but it was too late for that and the sleepiness upon waking had entirely faded. Maybe he’d just nap during one of their breaks. The car door swung open and Taekwoon jumped, somehow still not being used to being with someone else. Jaehwan had his own car, and despite them being roommates (rather close ones at that), they rarely shared the same vehicle. Having the passenger door open wasn’t something he was used to, and in a town like this he was always ready to worry about a robber.

Thankfully it was only Hakyeon (because what thief would move at twelve pm?), the younger male getting into the car and thankfully not seeming to notice Taekwoon’s jerk of surprise. He set down a small plastic bag on the floor by his boots, slipping out two soda bottles and passing one to Taekwoon, who accepted without a word. “I didn’t really know what type you drank, so I just got two of what I like in case you didn’t want it,” Hakyeon said, slipping off his beanie to shake out his hair before somehow quickly putting it back atop his head in a way that looked stylist. Taekwoon tried to wear a beanie once and ended up looking like he had just robbed a place. He didn’t know how Hakyeon pulled it off so easily, but he was kind of envious.

Another strange thing that he began to notice about Hakyeon as they drank their sodas together was that he didn’t seem to question Taekwoon’s silence. Most people guessed that he was shy, either that or that he just hated them. But Hakyeon had no visible reaction, choosing to be silent alongside him. He didn’t seem like the type of person to naturally be quiet, but then again, neither did Taekwoon until people looked him in the eye.

After the bottles were empty (Hakyeon just threw the trash out the window; Taekwoon didn’t have the heart to tell him to actually find a trashcan), they were on the road again. The radio was turned off sometime the night before, but it seemed like silence wasn’t so awkward as it was before, so neither of them moved to disrupt it. It was almost peaceful, the colors of day shining through the car’s faintly tinted windows, the way the light glistened prettily on the streaks in Hakyeon’s hair, emerald ribbons that were almost as pretty as him. Taekwoon figured when he was packing his bags that by this point he would’ve ditched the stranger somewhere and started looking for crappy side jobs to fulfill the rest of his hour requirements. This was much nicer, despite the complexity that he wasn’t expecting. The wind breathing through the window that Hakyeon rolled down about an hour into the drive, the silence comfortable and welcoming, so unlike what he was used to from silences. Taekwoon smiled, and in the corner of his eye he may have seen Hakyeon flash a tiny smile as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Hi! Sorry for the slow start. The story should start picking up from here.))


	4. 4

Hakyeon had had the mind to get a map of the country while inside the store, one that emphasized tourism more than practicality but it was enough. Taekwoon’s phone was decidedly off, and the high schooler didn’t question why they weren’t just using GPS or something a bit easier. This was when Taekwoon noticed that the younger male hadn’t pulled out a phone either in the time of their drive, which was strange given how technologically dependant Hakyeon’s generation was said to be.   
   
“Do you have a phone?” Taekwoon ended up asking, interrupting a silence that had gone strong for a full hour of flickering between the map and the road signs and staring out windows. Hakyeon didn’t turn towards him, not even blinking as he replied, “I did, I don’t.” His tone was bitter, more bitter than usual, almost pouty in a way that popped the idea into the elder’s head that maybe Hakyeon was just one of those kids that threw massive temper tantrums, a tantrum to the scale of him running away. That was shoved from his mind as quickly as it entered. Hakyeon didn’t seem like the type, but he figured he’d find out if the police stopped him somewhere. Out of all of his charges for theft and avoiding arrest, he somewhat hoped that kidnapping wouldn’t be thrown onto the list. He had a hard enough time getting hired as it was.   
   
His current job was one he was planning on leaving, and he hadn’t been in the mood to be screamed at after telling his boss that he’d quit, so he didn’t. Rather he let the evil woman deal with it herself, almost smiling at the idea of the thriving restaurant having to struggle with him never showing up for work again. Taekwoon wasn’t the most obedient person considering the law and social expectations, so there was no guilt on his part. His natural yet completely unexplained charisma had always overpowered the small crimes on his record. He’d get another job upon return.   
   
The music was back on, but it was Hakyeon’ doing this time, the boy seeming to have had enough with whatever thoughts were plaguing him. Instead of staring out the window now, he was choosing to glance at the map himself, look at Taekwoon, even start a conversation.   
   
“So you’re trying to get hours…” Oh boy, here it came. The question Taekwoon had been anxiously waiting for, the one of why he was helping Hakyeon. He’d decided to be entirely honest from the moment Hakyeon had gotten into the car, but that didn’t make it any easier. “Yeah,” he replied quietly, feeling himself closing up a bit and trying to relax. “What did you do?” Hakyeon’s voice was laced with what seemed like almost innocent curiosity, and Taekwoon sighed, rubbing his eye with the back of one hand when it began to itch. “I may have accidentally stolen something.” An eyebrow raised. He didn’t really need sass over the silliness of his crime from a high schooler. “Accidentally? What was it?”

“A ring.”

“Was it expensive?” This was tiring, but he figured the amusement lighting up in the younger male’s eyes was something good at the very least. “They said it was, but it was just lying out on the counter. I guess I figured that someone had lost it and was going to turn it in, but I forgot.” A smile. The boy was smiling, chest shaking a little with a laugh that had no sound or power behind it. “So you’re a klepto.”

“No..!” Taekwoon defended, eyebrows raising in protest as Hakyeon just laughed harder, his eyes holding just the faintest glow of warmth behind them as he seemed to forget his burden for a split second. “You don’t have to get so defensive, everyone has something. You’ve probably gotten into some pretty funny situations over it though.” Taekwoon sighed, resting his head on the steering wheel for just a split second since they were at a red light that was determined to stay red. “Tell me about it.”  
   
There was a growing air of comfort between them, and Taekwoon found himself enjoying the short moments when Hakyeon would actually talk to him. He seemed like a good kid, and if it weren’t for the shadows of exhaustion and pain that he’d seen so strongly the night before, he probably would’ve assumed there was nothing more to this than just getting out to explore. He wanted to ask more, but despite how comfortable around the high schooler he was beginning to feel, he had to remind himself that they hadn’t even known each other for twenty-four hours yet.   
   
It was three pm, and Taekwoon’s legs were determinedly numb. He was about to suggest that they pull off at some gas station in the small town they were currently passing through when Hakyeon spoke up, crinkling the map a little in his hands as he scanned over it. “It looks like we’re passing a carnival.” That was it, but the implication was there. “Do you want to go?” Big brown eyes were blinking up at him rather hopefully, and Taekwoon enjoyed seeing naivety in someone who always seemed so worn down from the world. “Do you?”   
   
Taekwoon sighed. It was like sitcom characters deciding what to have for dinner. He and Jaehwan always spoke their minds on what they wanted, so this didn’t happen too often. He decided to take the lead in the decision if Hakyeon wouldn’t. “We can go back and forth all day, but I’m personally sick of driving and could go for some food,” the elder offered, and Hakyeon was nodding determinedly. “Take a right at the next light then. Should be somewhere on the left.”   
   
He’d personally been to a carnival only once, a trip with a girlfriend he’d had for a few months in freshman year before he decided that scheduled dates and loveless kissing wasn’t what he wanted from a relationship. The festivals still came with warm feelings though, reminded him of the innocence he’d once had, the existential joy like a flickering fire that he hadn’t really felt in a solid few years. He wondered if that was why Hakyeon had pointed it out, if he was maybe searching for something like that, but then considered that the boy was probably just hungry and tired of driving as well and picked out the first thing that looked somewhat interesting to do.   
   
Parking wasn’t hard to find; Despite there being a number of people visible inside, it seemed like they were mostly just families that had taken one big car and spread out inside. He found a close enough spot, reminding Hakyeon to hide his backpack so that the student didn’t lose all of his belongings and Taekwoon’s car didn’t get broken into, then locking up and walking in. He wondered if it seemed awkward, Hakyeon still looking at least five years younger than him. It wasn’t a weekend, and he could only hope the police of the area wouldn’t question Hakyeon’s age. He could pass as an adult, just a very young looking one. The other didn’t seem too worried though, glancing around at all of the faces they passed, mostly parents with small children and couples that were either ditching school or out of it.   
   
Tickets were pricey, but it was probably one of the few things a small town could do to make money and Taekwoon didn’t question it, reaching out to grab, close, and give back Hakyeon’s wallet when the other pulled it out to cover his own ticket. Chocolate eyes were staring up at him half confused and half determined. “I can pay for myself, you don’t have to….” but Taekwoon shook his head. “I want to,” he said softly, and Hakyeon didn’t press any further, seeming to not mind a chance to save money once the formalities were out of the way.   
   
Wristbands taped on and walking through the gate, their shoulders brushed and Taekwoon quickly moved a bit out of Hakyeon’s way, swallowing the awkward tension he was sure he was just making up. Most people were holding hands, conversing, but the silence that felt comfortable in the car wasn’t as acceptable at a place of bonding and adventure. He didn’t know Hakyeon that well, and that became more and more apparent as he watched the younger male’s eyes flicker from one thing to the next, a family of small children, a cotton candy stand, one of those roller coasters that drop you from heaven to earth and back. Taekwoon had never been on a roller coaster. He didn’t get motion sickness easily, it was just something that hadn’t yet happened. He went with the flow, and the flow usually didn’t say, ‘Hey, get on that vehicle moving two hundred miles per hour while people are screaming and puking and feeling their stomachs tie knots in invisible cherry stems.’ He digressed.   
   
Hakyeon gave a faint shiver, and Taekwoon noticed that his red flannel probably wasn’t made to prevent wind from breaking through. It was a fairly windy day, one of those that doesn’t feel cold until the breeze is blowing and suddenly your nose is numb and cheeks are stiff from the chill. He himself had a rather thick jacket, faux fur keeping the inside warm while the outside was much more padded than it looked. He almost had the mind to offer Hakyeon his jacket, but then he remembered once more that they were practically strangers and held his tongue.   
   
They walked around like this, in silence, Hakyeon shivering a bit, until Taekwoon’s stomach growled and the younger was bringing up that they should get food. They’d passed a few stands that mostly sold snack food, but both simultaneously and almost without words decided that the only thing filling and warm enough at the moment would be chicken and headed back. A small child ran across their path and Taekwoon almost tripped on the poor little girl before Hakyeon was grabbing his arm tightly, holding him back. This was the first time he’d really touched Hakyeon besides a nudge, and the first thing he noticed was how tiny he was, all skin and bone with just enough flesh to not look skeletal. He wondered if Hakyeon even ate, but that was a question that would probably never be answered, similarly to almost all of Taekwoon’s many questions about this person. Questions that would be brushed off, questions that would raise offense, questions that were supposed to be asked between close friends and not strangers, and despite how the thought for some reason ached him, Taekwoon doubted he and Hakyeon would interact for long enough to ever be friends. He was too young, social standards causing a rift despite their ages really not being that far apart, Taekwoon was too awkward, never knowing what to do or say so choosing to do and say nothing most of the time, and they were both too reserved for their own good, catching each other with sideways glances and never mentioning the deeper things that most people were too distracted to notice.   
   
Hakyeon let go of his arm as quickly as he had grabbed it, the little girl stumbling towards her calling father, out of their path. The brunette brought his hand back in, holding it in the other as if he’d made some mistake in reaching out, bowing his head a little, all of these actions probably completely subconscious. Taekwoon figured Hakyeon was just as confused over their boundaries as he himself was and tried to relax once more. Hakyeon ended up whipping out his wallet before they even reached the chicken stand, as if doubting Taekwoon’s word that he’d actually be allowed to pay. At the very least, he definitely wasn’t a mooch.   
   
Two boxes of chicken and two icy water bottles in hand, they made their way to the nearest bench, Taekwoon having the mind to sit a foot or so away from Hakyeon to give him some space. As he ate he watched, watched the strangers all around him and the one right beside him, focusing more on the boy with the green streaked hair that was shredding his chicken into tiny strips before eating it, taking rabbit-sized bites despite how he’d agreed to being hungry before. “If you eat at that rate we’ll be here all night,” Taekwoon said, hoping that his words would be read as a joke rather than an insult of sorts, never being good at recognizing how someone would react to what he said before he said it. Hakyeon smiled, seeming to catch Taekwoon’s intention, but it was that same bitter, halfhearted smile from before, the one that swore that there was more going on that would never really be explained, only left up to Taekwoon’s constantly searching imagination. Either way, he was taking the slightest of bigger bites, so the elder considered his words a victory and focused on his own meal.   
   
Two empty boxes and two empty bottles disposed of, they ended up walking around aimlessly once more. “What do you want to do?” Taekwoon finally asked. The sun wouldn’t be setting for another hour or two, but that was still enough time for them to explore a bit more before getting back on the road. “We could ride one of the roller coasters, if you’re not scared of those. I haven’t been on one since I was a kid, so it might be fun.” Taekwoon nodded, ending up just following Hakyeon to one of the rides since he didn’t know and didn’t really care where they should go. After checking their wristbands, they crawled into one of the seats closer to the front, pressed shoulder to shoulder. Hakyeon didn’t seem uncomfortable or nervous, so Taekwoon tried not to be as well, buckling his own seatbelt and bracing himself for the ride.   
   
It started slow, he didn’t mind that, anticipation not really a big deal when someone as lost in their own head as him was involved. He was too focused on Hakyeon, on Hakyeon’s reactions and expressions, to really even notice that they were going up until they were dropping and he was probably screaming. Hakyeon’s mouth was open as well, but despite not being able to hear anything besides the rush of the ride and the screams around, he could sense that Hakyeon was laughing rather than screaming like the others were. His chest was shaking and his eyes were bright. He was probably an adrenaline junkie. It was probably creepy how the ride only swirled his stomach a bit, how his focus was much more intense on the person beside him, but he tried not to pay attention to that, closing his eyes and feeling rather than seeing the world swish by around him. This was nice, he thought, a nice place for a free-thinker. 

They both were so excited to experience what they did again that they rode the ride five more times, up and down and swirling until the sun was casting bright colors in the sky. Hakyeon’s hair was untidy, green streaks more like little slashes of emerald in the brown, and Taekwoon’s probably looked like a bird’s nest but he didn’t really care. There was that feeling in his chest, and he could sense it in Hakyeon’s, that rush of life that was so deprived as of late. The walk to the car was full of light conversation, talk of how it didn’t feel cold anymore even though the temperature had likely dropped even further than before, of how their hair would look like train wrecks for the next few days since neither of them had considered bringing a brush. Despite how he’d probably never be friends with Hakyeon, he felt like he was friends with him in this moment, and everything felt so light and good that he completely forgot about the countless questions and anxieties rushing through his head until they all flooded back that night.


	5. 5

But the consequence of losing touch with reality was dealing with the return of it. The anxiety pounded in his chest by the time the sun had finally set, and neither of them had spoken in thirty minutes, both seemingly hit with the same overwhelming emotions at the same time. For Taekwoon, it was a reality check. What was he doing right now? He was on tour of the country with a high schooler who he knew nothing about, who probably expected him to ditch him on a street corner somewhere. He’d abandoned his job and his roommate, his entire life, for something as irresponsible and reckless as this? He wasn’t the only one, and Hakyeon currently had his knees pulled up to his chest despite how he’d probably lose his legs this way if they got into an accident. His forehead was rested on his knees and he was trembling a little with something that wasn’t cold, taking feathery breaths between shivers. He was either crying or on the verge of it, but Taekwoon wouldn’t mention it. Hakyeon probably wouldn’t appreciate that, and he had his own anxiety to worry about at the moment. 

He pulled off to another grocery store parking lot, hiding the car in the darkness between the looming street lights and turning off the engine, leaning his seat back all the way and staring at the car’s ceiling like he could possibly fall asleep right now. They both needed to take a breather, but taking a breather was too overwhelming a concept in the moment. 

“It’s cold,” Taekwoon whispered, and Hakyeon paused before giving a faint nod, never lifting his head from his knees. “It’s cold and we’re alive.” Conditioning, centering, balancing, returning to reality. He’d always had anxiety, but unlike Hakyeon he’d had more time to learn to cope with it. The other raised his head slowly, the weight of it being too much as his forehead smacked back against his kneecaps once more. “Do you want a blanket?” A soft nod. Despite how his body wanted to be stiff as a board, to never move again, Taekwoon pushed himself to grab two plush covers, draping one over Hakyeon’s back delicately as to not risk brushing his hands across the smaller male’s shoulders. 

“It’s cold and we’re alive,” he repeated, staring up at the ceiling as if it held more depth than the night sky behind it. A pause, a minute passed, two. Time passed weirdly in these moments where he didn’t know if he really existed, and he was sure that to Hakyeon these minutes that passed were only seconds long. They seemed to have a similar tendency to become dissociated with the world surrounding them, and they could bond through Taekwoon knowing how to cope with what Hakyeon hadn’t learned to deal with yet. The thought that he could even help relaxed him a bit, and he said it again. “It’s cold and we’re alive.”

“You keep saying that,” Hakyeon whispered softly, unassuming, as if he was sure that Taekwoon didn’t realize that he was doing it. “I know,” the elder replied softly. “It helps, as weird as it is. Feeling like you’ve drowned in an ocean and your body will never be found… Sometimes feelings begin to overwhelm how it really is.” Hakyeon was lifting his head, weary eyes watching Taekwoon almost too closely, too searchingly, though he was definitely listening now. It was enough. “I’ve always been anxious, I still am. But I know how to deal with that now. It can still suck me under, but I know how to swim now.” 

Those eyes, dark as space in the shadows of the car, flickered to stare downward. He seemed to be struggling to find the right words to say, to express the emotion welling up everywhere, overwhelmingly so. He didn’t seem certain with his words even as he was saying them, as if ready for a negative reaction, ready to have to defend himself for all he was worth for not knowing how to explain. “Usually I just… do this thing that calms me down. But I can’t do that with you around.” Taekwoon nodded, staring up at the ceiling with a heavy-lidded gaze. “Do you want me to leave?” A pause, time stopping for just a moment despite how it kept ticking by; They couldn’t feel it, so it didn’t exist in this moment. “No,” Hakyeon finally replied softly, seeming unsure on whether he’d regret that decision or not. “I need to stop eventually. Might as well be now.” 

Taekwoon didn’t pry, but in speaking Hakyeon seemed to have sprung a leak in his confession, one that he couldn’t put a damper on if he tried. “Did you ever cut yourself, Taekwoon? Or drink a lot or…” he trailed off, seeming to realize that he regretted bringing the topic up, seeming prepared for the usual adult talk of ‘that isn’t healthy’ or ‘you have so much to live for’ coming his way. Taekwoon would never send it. He understood better than anyone how heavy life could be, how desperate someone could be for relief, how that relief could come in some of the most unhealthy things like a light at the end of a tunnel. “When I was much younger, thirteen or so, I tried it once. My friend did it a lot at the time, said it helped. The first time I did it I ended up cutting too deep, bled so much that I scared myself shitless. After that I always considered trying again, trying to find what he found in it, but I never could bring myself to do it.” 

Hakyeon nodded, seeming to understand at least from a distance. “I almost bled out at one point, but at the time I didn’t really mind. I just kind of laid there on the bathroom floor and wondered how inconvenient it would be on my family if I died there. It didn’t really seem to matter at the time, but I broke down over it the next morning when my mom found me passed out in my own blood.” 

“Did she yell?” It was an important question, and since bad memories were already being brought up, Taekwoon figured it wouldn’t do much harm to break the surface a bit more. “More than I’ve ever heard from her. She’s busy, too busy for herself and far too busy to focus on things that aren’t issues. I was never an issue up until then. I think I became another problem that day and it was just too much on her.” That explained it a bit, Hakyeon’s anxiety. Taekwoon’s was almost for the same reason. Parents didn’t realize how much influence they had on their kids, how dependant on them their children could be even after reaching the teenage years. He wanted to ask if that was why Hakyeon ran away, because his parents didn’t give him the time of day, but that would be pushing a bit too much, and he didn’t want to risk the other closing up when he’d finally started to break free of his shell. 

It was silent for a while, both lost in their thoughts, before Hakyeon was whispering quietly, “It’s cold and we’re alive.” A few seconds, or minutes, or even hours, ticked by before the younger male released an audible sigh and closed his eyes, relaxing a little. “It does help, I guess. Sorry to burden you with all of this.” Taekwoon whispered a soft ‘not at all,’ and the car was quiet until morning, both falling asleep and waking at random moments throughout the night, hearts open and minds decidedly closed when it was usually the other way around.


	6. 6

They continued driving at sunrise, Taekwoon having grabbed a map to take them to the beach. His phone was unconsciously quiet, had been for the past few days they’d been out, and he wondered for probably the third time since he left how bad Jaehwan was panicking. He was a motherly friend, maybe too overwhelming at times, but while the stress of knowing he was burdening someone hung on his heart like an anvil, knowing that someone was keeping him from floating away and disappearing gave him purpose.

 

Hakyeon was characteristically quiet, flipping through channels on the radio, deciding that he liked each song for about a minute before changing it as if the repetition of the chorus and the melody was growing uncomfortable too quickly. They were both a bit lagged, tired of driving but too anxious of the consequences of return, or at least in Taekwoon’s situation. If he went back he’d have Jaehwan wailing on him for leaving so unexpectedly, doing something so dangerous as picking up a stranger and spending days with them. But then again, two hundred hours was a little over eight days and they weren’t there yet. He also didn’t want to have to let Hakyeon go. He was an enigma, clearly troubled, but Taekwoon felt a curiosity towards the younger male that he couldn’t really relate to feeling towards anything else.

 

Hakyeon didn’t seem to be in much hurry either, never questioning when Taekwoon would drop him off, spending most of his time either mumbling along with the music until he realized he was doing it, staring out the window with dull and somehow simultaneously glistening eyes. They drove and drove for a few hours, an amount of time Taekwoon couldn’t confirm because he hadn’t checked the car’s clock when they’d left. A stop at a gas station and two stale, cold, artificial packaged cakes swallowed down. They passed an accident with sirens sobbing, with an older lady screaming heatedly at a young girl who appeared frozen like a deer in headlights. Taekwoon looked away, Hakyeon did the same. They avoided conflict by nature, it seemed.

 

There was a dramatic change in the calm, distant atmosphere though that ripped Taekwoon from his thoughts, his heart stunting in his chest. The radio had flipped to a new song, or so anyone else would see it. But the first note was a bullet, the second was another, and Hakyeon blinked, glancing over to Taekwoon as if sensing his tension from the passenger seat. His sparkling eyes glanced at the elder with worry, but not confusion, seeming to know what was bothering him but wanting to understand why. Meanwhile Taekwoon grit his teeth, trying to keep himself calm before slowly raising his hand and pressing the ‘switch’ button on the radio. Immediately the song vanished, but the weight it left behind remained. He was bleeding out now, but this was a familiar feeling, despite being unwelcome.

 

“It’s a love song,” Hakyeon mumbled, a simple statement with a heavy question behind it. What did love do to you? What love hurt you? What heartbreak played out to the rhythm of this song? “Mm,” Taekwoon grunted in reply, not wanting to talk about it. He did not want to discuss this, feeling his chest closing its steel doors, his ribcage turning to steel, protecting his heart that was bleeding weakness, memories, nostalgia that hit so hard it made him nauseous, the torturously familiar scent of honey and brown sugar invading his lungs. That teasing voice as it laughed when he stumbled at the park, those eyes that curved up into crescents, the way that soft hair felt between his fingers when they’d lay on the couch, watching each other more than the television they were never really interested in.

 

He pulled off the highway, turning harshly into a parking lot, Hakyeon not even grabbing the handle above the window and just allowing the force of the movement to slam his head against the glass. Taekwoon stopped the car with a quiet, protesting squeak of the breaks, releasing a heavy breath that did no good in freeing this awful, suffocating weight from his chest. Hakyeon glanced out the window, seemed to notice but not necessarily care that the car had been halted diagonally between two parking spaces, turning to blink at Taekwoon with a want for answers but a nervousness to ask for them. The elder was tense, his fingers tightening around the steering wheel. “Sorry,” he whispered, his voice refusing the demand to sound steady, the word ending with a tremble. “I kind of just…”

“You don’t have to explain,” Hakyeon replied gently, hands limp in his lap. Taekwoon was grateful that the other didn’t try to touch him like most did when they saw him in this state. Hakyeon would understand more than anyone. He wondered how he was sure about that, only knowing the younger for a few days now, but he was certain. “I need to talk about it,” Taekwoon mumbled, knowing that if there was any time to get something like this off his chest, it was now. But he couldn’t do it. “I need to,” he repeated, fingers releasing the steering wheel before tightening around it again. Hakyeon nodded gently, staring out the window in front of him. A family of five was walking past them to get to their car, the mother scowling at Taekwoon’s parking job as if it had anything to do with her. “But can you?” the younger asked, tilting his head gently as he glared daggers to the woman until she seemed uncomfortable enough to glance away. Taekwoon swallowed before slowly shaking his head. No, he wasn’t ready yet. He probably wouldn’t ever be.

“Love is a harsh topic for a lot of people, it’s understandable.” Hakyeon’s eyes cast down, focusing on his hands, turning his palms upwards, then flipping them back down slowly enough to analyze the tanned skin adorning them. “It’s a harsh topic for me too, maybe.” Maybe…? Taekwoon blinked away from the tree he’d been staring at, slowly focusing on the smaller form in his passenger seat. “I think the word ‘love’ is really overused I guess.” Hakyeon was talking a lot, and usually Taekwoon enjoyed that, but right now it was on a topic that he wished just didn’t exist and he did have the mind or energy to try and change the subject.

 

“How many people have said it to you?” It was a delayed question, coming only after a few minutes of pause, enough time floating off that Taekwoon didn’t remember what they had previously discussed. “What?” 

“That they love you.” Oh, he thought almost spitefully. They were still talking about love. He sighed, rolling over a few distanced faces in his mind to humor the boy before muttering with a halfhearted shrug, “Who keeps count?” Hakyeon grunted with what seemed like understanding. It wasn’t uncommon to hear the word ‘love’ in this day and age. “Well, how many still mean that?” He wanted to turn the radio on or something, anything, to dim the discomfort swelling in his joints, the need to punch or grip tightly, body tensing subconsciously to at least try to assist his probably reasonless struggle. But Hakyeon was still talking.

 

“...What I’ve found lately is that people are quick to connect any positive emotion to love. So whenever anyone says it anymore I just get… upset, I guess.” His eyes flickered down, lashes cast over soft cheeks. Taekwoon wondered how it would feel to touch his soft-looking face. He shoved that out of his mind immediately. “Like, what makes their word more meaningful than the last person’s? And after a while of people claiming to love me before saying ‘nevermind’ and hurrying off to their next ‘love,’ I just sit and think… Is actual love something that will ever even happen to me? Will I ever love someone and actually mean it? Will I ever be loved, or will it constantly be this emptiness inside?” 

“Why do you need love anyway?” He wasn’t sure why the topic was making him so uncomfortable, but his nails were digging into the leather of his car’s seats, making tiny crescent indents that threatened to scratch through. “There’s so much more to life, for all we know true love might just not exist…”

 

“No, it exists.” The certainty in Hakyeon’s voice was, perhaps, even more jostling, Taekwoon finding himself too entranced by what could possibly have authenticated love to a kid who believed that he was immune to it. “I’ve seen it, from a distance. What else could tear apart friendships, convince a parent to abandon their own child for some ma…” He froze, and it was clear that Hakyeon had spilled far more than he ever intended to. Upon realizing that Taekwoon was still peering deep into his eyes, the student’s voice softened, confidence lost. Hakyeon suddenly seemed like he was uncomfortable with the topic as well, and the elder could feel the disappointment welling up in his anxiety-twirled gut upon noting the dullness returning to chocolate eyes full of secrets. A taste of Hakyeon’s world, that was what he was getting, and he figured it may be too late to appreciate the perspective granted to him as if he weren’t a complete stranger to this student. “It exists,” Hakyeon repeated in a breath. “It’s a craving, a sickness, and it’s an awful thing unless you’re the one infected, in which case it’s beautiful. I want to be in love, Taekwoon, because eventually anyone who isn’t will be left behind. And I really hate being alone.” Taekwoon parted drying, chapped lips to reply, but the finality in Hakyeon’s tone combined with the sudden tension in the air convinced him to fall into the flow of silence, trying to find solace in the rev of the car’s engine and just not feeling like that small peek into Hakyeon’s soul was enough to satisfy the need to understand why he was so far gone at such a young age.

 

He didn’t even realize that his previous stress had faded until they’d continued driving a few minutes later, and when he did he stared at Hakyeon in slight awe. When did a teenager learn to divert a topic to the extent that such heavy emotions as heartbreak could be forgotten? Either way, Taekwoon felt grateful, even if it had been unintentional or based on selfish intent that Hakyeon had begun to tilt the misery in the car his own way. Now that he was thinking about Hakyeon, what he’d gone through, why he was how he was, his mind was in a more logical place. Logic shared no space with emotion, and while the name ‘Sanghyuk’ echoed in his mind, there was no room for bubblegum-flavored kisses or gentle puppy-snores between the lines of piecing together the unintentional hints of why Hakyeon was trying to escape and what he was going to do when he reached whatever destination Taekwoon chose.


End file.
